In The Portal
Posted on: January 16, 2026
In The Portal.
Six months between knowing and becoming
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Intro
Six months ago, I wrote about the Sun-Pluto opposition as a portal –
a place of tension, initiation, and the work of holding light and shadow without attachment.
I didn’t know then that I was already inside it.
What follows is a return –
not to revise those words, but to live them.
Sun-Pluto Portal (written six months ago)
“If there is anything I have learned from the tension of oppositions, it is to be a portal…”
🔗 Read the original piece here:
https://12thspace.com/blog/sun-pluto-portal/
In The Portal
Six months ago
I wrote of your opposition.
Sun opposite Pluto.
I know you.
I wrote too accurately of you that day,
just days before I met you –
held in a square to my own script.
And yet those words became my silent companion,
reminding me how much light I can see even in the depth of the dark mystery.
_____________
Six months ago I went to see
my first picture of you inside of me.
I stared at the black hole on the screen.
But there was nothing to see.
My body had tricked me.
I took my trembling body to the car,
unleashing a torrent of sorrow and disbelief.
Not in me,
yet not that far,
perhaps you watched me as I cried in the car.
That day instead held the arrival of grief.
The months passed,
and at first it was fine.
That initial wave with grief
held a strange point in time.
This hushed coincidence seemed brief.
But the next one hit hard,
came and went too fast.
It took me by surprise,
at a time when all was to be merry.
This second one also didn’t last.
I tried to hide it and not let it out,
yet rage contained inside
was impossible to doubt.
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Giving rise to chaos to dwell within,
tending to others became a sacred distraction.
Witnessing birth,
the first breath of arrival,
altering my life –
honoured as truly magical.
Death and life,
two poles that meet,
alchemy held between them –
bittersweet.
Retreating to silent space
where tears could blur time,
I stopped repairing the cracks –
they no longer felt like mine.
Inside the chrysalis,
I let myself be consumed,
leaving nothing intact.
Facing the world
became an unbearable act.
From savage chaos
raw beauty emerged,
walking me quietly through days
of seeing life beyond obligation.
Opposing forces,
held tight –
neither surrendering,
nor rejected,
only meant
to be felt
together.
Lived with the intensity only I know how.
Lived not as mine,
but through me –
a vow.
The messy fate
of liminal states.
Not a time to be monitored,
watched, or explained –
just a time to marvel
at the death that came
and took a part of me
that had outstayed its time.
And even if the mind
understands the timing,
can reduce it to reason,
and assigns it purpose –
that does not satisfy
the human spirit’s hunger
for metamorphosis.
It may still hurt
to live it.
Still ache with regret.
But it is
change, darkness, and grief
that ask
to be met.
It doesn’t matter how they came to me.
They are here,
and I must sit
and let it be.
For if I were to pretend
they did not exist,
and hurry them on
as if they were a pest,
I would deny myself the chance
to be part of something more
than simple existence.
written 13th January 2026, as Pluto made its third of five transiting square aspect to my natal Sun opposite Pluto.